


This Could Be The End Of Everything

by HavenStan12 (QueenOfTheFandoms)



Series: Somewhere Only We Know [1]
Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: (the ca tag isn't as bad as it sounds i just wanted to put it there as a safety thing), Child Abuse, F/M, Gun Violence, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode 28: Siege, content warning for:, oop here's some more, there's a lot i'm sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfTheFandoms/pseuds/HavenStan12
Summary: Spencer goes home for dinner, and past demons come up.
Relationships: Merril Portman/Spencer Willis
Series: Somewhere Only We Know [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756360
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	This Could Be The End Of Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Alright kids, this one's a lot heavier than the last one, so buckle up. If there's anything in the tags please feel free to message me about it, I'm happy to provide an alternate version with scenes cut out and just summarized! Otherwise, thank you so much for reading!

Spencer hadn't slept for three days. 

To be fair, he hadn't slept more than five hours a night in over a month, not since…

The sleep he did get was often restless and nightmare-ridden. The nightmares weren't uncommon, but his old one had combined with a newer one to make his life even more hell.

His alarm clock went off, and he finally looked up from the paper he was typing. Halcyone, his roommate, groaned. He quickly turned it off and shot him a sorry before saving his paper and heading for a shower. Once dressed, he headed downstairs.

"Oh, morning Spence!"

He walked over to kiss his beautiful girlfriend on the cheek.

"Morning, honey."

She handed him a breakfast burrito, and he once again thanked whoever was up there that she was nice enough to make him food every morning.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Fine."

He lied. Merril frowned at him.

"Nightmares still?"

He nodded.

"They're persistent, I'll give them that."

She took the hand he offered, and they set off towards class.

"I know you don't like to hear it, but you really should see someone about that. It's gonna be hard for you to sleep."

A little too late for that, he thought. Still, he nodded.

"I'll talk to my mom about it."

His phone went off, and he checked it. Speak of the devil.

"Hey, I gotta take this. I'll catch up in a few minutes, okay?"

She gave him a stern look.

"Tell. Her."

He smiled lightly.

"I will."

She walked on, giving him a tiny wave. Once she had walked on, he answered the phone.

"Morning, Ma."

Miranda Willis's voice sounded like a smile.

"Morning, Spencer! Off to class?"

He nodded, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't see him.

"Yeah, to calculus."

He could practically hear her wince through the phone.

"Yikes. Good luck with that."

He just managed to cover his snort with a cough.

“Thanks, Ma.”

“Oh! Almost forgot. You still haven’t sent me your West Point acceptance packet. Are you bringing it to dinner?”

Spencer stared at the ground, glad that she couldn’t see his face.

“Yeah, sure. See you Friday?”

“Absolutely. Have a good day! Make good choices!”

He rolled his eyes.

“Sure, Ma. See you.”

He hung up, his good mood evaporated. With a sigh, he headed off to class

\--------

_The man had that metal thing in his hand pointed at him. Spencer remembered its name because daddy said it. "Gun," Spencer yelled when the man grabbed him._

_Sydney screamed and threw the pearl-inlaid ashtray on the table. "Let him go!" He remembered grandad's ashtray on the carpet, and the man moving around, and Sydney screaming and sobbing. And then that gun was on the floor. The man was going to Sydney, who was trying to hide. Spencer picked up the cold metal in front of him. He'd seen it in cartoons._

_It looked different in real life._

_He didn't know what he did, exactly. He just remembered heat, and a very loud, very terrible noise cracking through the air. He went flying back and hurt himself. Sydney was yelling even more now. And then the man was on the floor. Sydney was clinging onto Spencer and sobbing. Spencer kept staring at the man on the floor. It felt like they sat there for hours, with Sydney sobbing and him just staring._

_The scene shifted._

_He stood outside a very familiar building. But this time he was at the back of the crowd and trying to get through felt like he was trying to swim through molasses. He watched, almost in slow motion, as his classmates leaped from the burning Art Hall. It seemed as if everyone had gotten out, and the air mat was moved. Suddenly, two more people appeared at the window. A blonde man -Adam- and a brunette girl…_

_“Shit! Move out of the way!”_

_How the fuck did Merril end up there? There was no reason she should've been anywhere in that fucking building, nowhere near it! As impossible as it should have been, he swore he could see the glint of silver near her neck. He fought as hard as he could, but no one was letting him through-_

Spencer woke up with a gasp. Despite the blanket over him, he was cold to the bone. Without thinking, he grabbed his phone.

“Spencer, do you know what time it is-”

“I had that nightmare again.”

He heard her gasp.

“I’ll open the door. Come on.”

She hung up, and he climbed out of bed. He silently crept out of his room and headed for the stairs, hoping that anyone who might have overheard would assume he was going for a snack. Sleep had come harder for everyone since H-that night, so it wasn’t uncommon to hear someone quietly moving around. 

He reached his destination, his girlfriend’s room a floor below. He tapped on her door just once, and the door opened to Merril’s concerned expression. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around him.

“C’mon Sweetheart, let’s get some sleep.”

She led him inside, and he shut the door behind him.

\--------

It felt like he’d only been asleep for ten minutes when he was shaken awake.

“Spence, you have to get up now. Before your alarm goes off.”

With a groan, he sat up. Merril pulled him up and kissed him on the cheek before closing the door behind him. With a sigh, he headed back to his room. As quietly as possible, he turned his alarm off and headed to the shower. He had been dreading this day, and the sooner it ended the better.

\--------

“How’s it all adjusting?”

Inwardly, Spencer sighed. Paxton Willis wasn’t one to beat around the bush.

“It’s happening. Slowly but surely.”

He nodded, assured.

“I knew it would. Closing the school was a ridiculous idea, I’m glad you boys were able to talk some sense into the board.”

Spencer fought the urge to roll his eyes. As much as he wanted to, he knew reminding him that he’d been one of those also fighting for it to close would just piss him off, and he didn’t feel like dealing with it quite yet. 

The door opened, and he sighed in relief. Thank you, Sydney.

“Ten-hut!”

Footsteps thundered through the house before Sydney burst into the room and stood at attention.

“Sir yes sir!” 

His father grinned.

“At ease, soldier!”

Sydney immediately ran to hug her father. He had been jealous of the easy relationship they’d always had as a kid, but he was used to being the second-rate child by now.

“Sydney Georgia Willis, if you don’t pick up your items from this hallway right now…”

His mom strolled in and kissed him on the forehead.

“Hi, honey.”

He hugged her.

“Hey, Ma.”

Sydney returned from picking her things up, and their mom clapped her hands.

“Alright, who’s helping me cook dinner?”

Spencer cleared his throat.

“I will.”

His father raised an eyebrow.

“Sure you don’t want to have Syd handle that, son?”

His mom shot his father a dirty look, and he held his hands up in mock surrender.

“Alright, alright!" 

Sydney shot him a look of thanks as he passed by, and he chuckled. She hated cooking.

He entered the kitchen and pulled on the apron his mom handed him.

"I've never seen you willing to cook before! Must be that girl you're seeing is a good influence on you. I do wish you'd bring her to dinner one of these days."

He shrugged as he got to chopping the onions she'd pointed to.

"I was planning on it, but then there was the fire, and then the school was going to close, and then it didn't, and then we had to quickly catch up to where we were. It's...it's been busy."

His mom made an understanding noise. 

“Right, right. Will we see her for prom?”

He could hear the hope in her voice, and it made her feel bad.

“She lives only an hour out from Dalton, so it would be kind of inconvenient.”

His mom looked down, but for only a moment.

“Oh, we can drop you off!”

He scratched his neck.

“We rented a limo. Charlie, Hope, and Justin are meeting here, and then we’re picking her up on the way.”

His mom was doing her best not to look disappointed, and he kissed her on the cheek for trying.

“I’ll take lots of pictures, I promise.”

His mom patted him on the cheek.

“Thank you, honey.”

She then proceeded to grill him on Merril, and he answered it as truthfully as he could, but changed a few details (where she went to school, how they met, etc.) and left out some entirely (her last name, just in case his father had mentioned something to her and not him). By the time she was finished dinner was ready, and he set the table while his mom went to get his father and sister. In no time at all everyone was seated, and Sydney had volunteered to say grace. The four of them started to eat, and the silence managed to put him at ease for 5 minutes.

“Oh! I brought my WP packet, can we go through it after dinner?”

Thanks, Sydney.

“Sounds good. Did you bring yours, Spencer?”

He choked on the water he’d just taken a sip of. His father frowned in disapproval.

“I, uh, left it at school”

There was silence for a few seconds. Then, his father’s cold tone cut through like glass.

“You what?”

Spencer sighed, more than used to his father’s rage.

“I left it in the dorm. I’m sorry.”

His father slammed his fork down, and the table shook. Sydney looked like she wanted to escape, and he couldn’t blame her.

“Sorry isn’t good enough, Spencer! You’re not a child anymore! Do I have to tattoo everything on your forehead so you’ll remember?”

His mom, ever the peacemaker, tried to smooth things over.

“I don’t think it’s that serious, honey. Doesn't Rick still work in admissions? We can have him re-mail the information to us-”

“It _is_ that serious! He’s nearly a grown man, how’s he supposed to pass Basic if he can’t remember what’s important?”

Spencer stood up.

“I’m excusing myself.”

His father shot up.

“No you are not! You are staying right here, and we are going to eat dinner as a family!”

He sat, then stared Spencer down until he slowly sunk into his chair.

“I’m not going to let you continue running from your problems, boy. You had a grace period, but that’s over now.”

He sighed, which only seemed to infuriate his father more.

“I don’t like your tone.”

He looked his father in the eye.

“Good thing I didn’t speak, then.”

His mom winced, and Sydney looked like she was fighting the urge to put her head in her hands.

"You won't get anywhere in the military acting like that! The back sass is not going to do you any favors!"

Spencer was seeing red. He was barely aware of what he'd even said until he saw the shocked look on his mom’s face. In fact, he wasn't aware of the hand until it was too late. The force of his hit had sent him backward. That was the last straw.

"You know what? It doesn't matter! I didn't even apply for West Point, so I'm not going there, let alone the military!"

You could have heard a pin drop by how silent it was. 

“I’m sorry son, I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

His father’s neck vein was bulging like it did when he was especially pissed.

“So you _didn’t even apply_?”

Spencer’s hands were shaking slightly, but his face was a mask of calm indifference as he raised his glass to take a sip of water.

“Yeah.”

His father laughed humorlessly.

“So what are you planning to do instead?”

It was funny. Every time he’d imagined this conversation he’d been seized by fear. But now that it was happening, he was oddly calm.

“He got a partial scholarship to the University of Michigan. For art.”

Everyone’s head turned to look at Sydney. He raised an eyebrow, and she shrugged.

“Justin told me.”

His father’s smile was only slightly warmer for her than it had been for her.

“So you knew, and you didn’t tell me?”

Sydney hated making their father angry. Yet, he watched as she held firm.

“Yeah, I did.”

His father turned to his wife.

“Did you know this special news too?”

His mom took a moment to answer.

“I didn’t, no.”

His father went to turn back to him, but his mom held up a hand.

“But, I think it’s a good idea. It’s clear it’s what he’s passionate about.”

His father snorted.

“He can have passion all he wants, but he won’t make any money from it.”

“He’s really good, sir. He made the Christmas gift we gave you.”

He had. It was a black and white painting of the four of them on the 4th of July, and it had taken him 3 and a half months. His mom covered her mouth.

“That was you? I figured you guys paid someone to make it.”

He nodded, a little pleased at his mom’s clear surprise.

“Yeah. Nothing but the best for you guys.” 

His mom went to speak but was cut off.

“Okay, so he has some talent? He still won’t get anywhere doing art.”

He sneered. Spencer felt sick.

“It’s for the better if you don’t go to the military, son. You’d embarrass the Willis name with how weak you are.”

His sister looked ready to start a fight, but he held up a hand.

“Was I strong enough when we were 3?”

The temperature in the room seemed to drop 20 degrees. His hands shook violently as he spoke.

“Was I strong enough when that man broke into our house when you two were gone?”

His chest was starting to hurt, and his eyes were starting to get blocked by tears.

“Was I strong enough when he went after Sydney and I grabbed his-”

He choked. It felt like he couldn’t breathe, but he had to continue. He had come this far.

“Was I strong enough when I shot him? When I had to watch him bleed out as Sydney cried and clung to me? When I spoke to the police? When I had to pretend that I wasn’t thinking about it while trying to sleep? Was I strong enough to not talk about the nightmares that have haunted me for 15 goddamn years?”

He felt sick, he could feel a hand closing over his throat, oh god he was going to die, he needed to get out of here-

He stood up.

“I’m excusing myself. For real this time.”

He made a beeline for the backyard, ignoring his sister’s and mom’s calls to stay. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was going to walk into the woods, and never come back. 

\--------

It was about 45 minutes later by the time he’d managed to stop shaking and crying. He still couldn’t breathe that well, but at least he no longer felt like he was going to die. He was considering getting into his truck and driving back to Dalton when he heard footsteps. He quickly shimmied up a tree, just as Sydney came in sight.

“Climbing, That was one thing you were always better at.”

Spencer just nodded, not ready to talk yet. With a sigh, she got to work on climbing, and after a few minutes, plopped herself right next to him.

“You know, I’d completely forgotten about the robber, but as soon as you mentioned it, I started to remember bits and pieces. Have you really been pretending that you forgot it this whole time?” 

Another nod. She sighed, and he pulled his phone out. _I don’t blame you_ , he texted. Her laugh was full of malice.

“You know, so much makes sense now. All of your odd quirks and reactions probably stem from that incident. I’m so sorry, Spence. And I’m sorry about what Dad said. He was out of line, and he knows it.”

He snorted as he typed out another message. _I doubt it._ She shook her head, and gave him a small grin.

"Oh no. I mean, I chewed him out a little bit, but I was no match for mom."

Spencer wasn't sure if he was more shocked about his mother standing up for him, or Sydney. _Really?_ She looked down at her phone, then nodded.

"Oh yeah, big time. She was like, 'I told you we should have put them in therapy! You insisted that they didn't remember, but something was always off about my boy, I knew it!' and dad would try to defend himself, but she'd just keep going."

The hand of his throat had finally let go, and he coughed.

"...Thanks, Syd."

She shook her head.

"Just doing what I should. Come on, we're heading back to school."

"I'm too tired to drive."

She shrugged.

"I'll drive, then. Come on."

She hopped out of the tree, then waited for him. He stumbled a bit on impact, but Sydney caught him.

"See? I've always got your back."

He snorted but handed her the car keys.

"Yeah, okay."

The two of them climbed into the truck they shared, and as Sydney started to drive, his phone vibrated. He glanced at the text from his dad.

_I'm sorry._

He slid his phone back into his pocket. This was something he would deal with later. Instead, he closed his eyes, prepared to sleep the few hours to school away.


End file.
